All of us (thoughts on fat acceptance)

Some of us don’t feel like we can trust our bodies, or feel that our bodies don’t look as we wish they would, and never will.

Some of us feel shame when we look in a mirror, track stretch-marks with our fingers, tsk at varicose veins or acne, grasp handfuls of errant flesh, or try to straighten out a back that hunches more than we would like.

Some of us avoid mirrors.

Some of us are in great health, with good ‘numbers’ and a body that gets us through the days with ease.

Some of us eat a wide variety of foods according to our needs, shopping and cooking for freshness and flavour, crunch and juiciness, and we stop eating as soon as we feel full.

Some of us eat in a disordered way, or have been diagnosed with an eating disorder, or face food insecurity, or are afraid of eating, or prefer a narrow range of foods.

Some of us face doctors’ waiting rooms with fast heart-rates and dark kernels of anger in our bellies because of how we have been treated before, how our bodies have been held up to too-harsh light and been found wanting.

Some of us have health conditions which could be related to being “too fat”, or “too thin” — some of us feel betrayed by our bodies, or that we have betrayed them.

Some of us feel magnificent.

Some of us feel confused and uncertain about the conflicting messages we hear about health and beauty; some of us struggle to understand how the truth can be so different from what is being sold to us, and yet also so elusive.

Some of us have been told by PE teachers, parents, lovers, strangers, doctors, hairdressers, friends, that we are wrong in some way, that we do not work, that our bodies are decaying faster than other bodies, so many times, that believing otherwise is a radical choice we face daily.

Some of us are so very sure that we are doing what is best for ourselves and our bodies.

Some of us have supportive friends and family who offer us the love and acceptance we deserve.

Some of us feel isolated and alone.

Some of us carry the scars of bullying and abuse. Some of us are still bullied and abused.

Some of us feel at home in fat acceptance circles; some of us are denizens of the fatosphere, fluent in size acceptance speak, revelling in fatshion, happy to have found a tribe.

Some of us feel fraudulent, or excluded, or as if there is no place for us.

Some of us carry scars on our bodies from weight loss surgeries, side effects from weight loss drugs, or damage to our relationship with food and our bodies from dieting. Some of us simply carry the fear of being shamed for “not trying hard enough” to lose weight.

Some of us were born with bodies which do not reflect our true gender, or with a gender that is not often recognised by this world which clings to binaries. And some of us are shamed for being too fat or too thin or too something to present as feminine enough, or masculine enough.

Some of us are ill.

Some of us revel in our sexuality and have sexual partners who tell us we are beautiful.

Some of us have bodies which stay around the same weight, and which reward us with strength or fitness when we exercise. Some of us have bodies which fluctuate in weight, sometimes dramatically, sometimes because we are ill or because we are in pain.

Some of us have to face that surgery or prolonged disordered eating or allergies will prevent us from always being able to eat intuitively in a healthful way.

Some of us are disabled; still more of us will acquire disabilities in the future.

Some of us feel like the fattest person in the room every day, even if we aren’t. And sometimes some of us move in fashion industry circles or into other spaces where body-shaming cannot be avoided.

Some of us face difficult decisions about our bodies and may have little choice but to work with health professionals who do not value body diversity as much as we do.

Some of us aren’t interested in pursuing good health or longevity. Some of us want it more than anything.

Some of us are vibrant, loud, feisty.

Some of us are quiet.

Some of us struggle every day to like ourselves in a world which wants us to feel ashamed, and some days we fail.

Each one of us is brave.