** This is the second in a series of posts about menstruation. The first is here.
Little disclaimer/stating the obvious – I’m going to be saying the word vagina and talking about the fact that uterine lining comes out of mine and that I take measures to deal with that. If you’re someone who knows me in ‘real life’ and thinks that reading this might change the way you feel about sharing salsa and chips with me at the next barbecue then… you’ve been warned.
Do you really hate tampon ads? I really hate tampon ads. The f word really hates tampon ads. They are either inane and condescending towards girls and women, or self-consciously ‘edgy’ in a completely predictable and ineffectual way. Because we’re all really scared of blood coming out of vaginas, apparently, despite the fact that this happens to almost all women for a good portion of their lives.* And almost all women = almost half the population. Possibly not almost half of marketing and ad execs or CEOs of majorly powerful cosmetic and hygeine companies though. Ahem.
Anyway, I don’t just really hate tampon ads. I really hate tampons. And pads. And liners. Especially liners! Liners were a genius invention from a marketing point of view: let’s tell women that their normal everyday vagina is unclean so they will use our products all the time, not just when they’re menstruating! They had no trouble doing this, of course, because we already know we’re unclean. I mean, der, everything from the Bible to commercial douches and ‘feminine deoderants’ to the fact that cunt is the worst insult ever make that pretty clear.
Of course, we need ‘feminine hygiene products’. And hey, I’m glad women can go swimming and ride horses with confidence any time of the month! (I’m not even being sarcastic there.) But I don’t love spending heaps of cash (plus G.S.T.) to buy disposable products. I don’t really like that these products aren’t great for the environment. I don’t like the way cotton tampons can be drying, or that they involve putting something treated with all manner of chemicals inside the most intimate part of my body. (I know you can get organic ones but I don’t know much about them. If you do, feel free to enlighten me in comments.)
With this state of affairs going on each month, you can imagine how overjoyed I was to learn that there are alternatives.
I bought myself a menstrual cup. Mine’s a Lunette. There are other types, including the Keeper and Diva. They are ingenious devices made of rubber or silicone, designed to sit inside your vagina and catch the flow, which can then be emptied into the toilet. So simple. The Lunette is billed to last for 5-10 years and by my reckoning, should pay for itself after a year or so.
I have to admit, when I first opened the packaging, I was mildly trepidatious. It didn’t look entirely comfortable. But it is! Inserting it is no problem (it folds up, so don’t be scared by what the circumference appears to be in the pictures.) It’s easy to sterilise by boiling, and then only needs a good wash with hot water and mild soap until next month. It’s just stored in a little bag when not needed, so is super-portable.
It is comfortable: I don’t even know it’s there when I’m using it. Since I don’t have very heavy periods, I only need to pay any mind to it morning and night. For most women, that would be the case for at least the last couple of days of their period. Wonderful. And because it can be put in ‘just in case’ without any discomfort, it’s great for people with unpredictable menstrual cycles too.
Not all women can, or want to, use an internal device. (For example, postnatally). Naturally, there’s alternatives there too. Cloth pads are making a comeback in a big way. Companies calling themselves celebratory names like Rad Pads are offering women well-made, environmentally and health-conscious alternatives to disposable pads. I did buy a couple to roadtest by the way, but since the Lunette has been such a success (you can use it overnight too) I’ve only tried out a liner from A Little Monkey Business. It’s pretty and oh my so very soft and comfy compared with the cotton-and-plastic version, but since it didn’t actually have to do anything but look nice on my knickers I can’t comment on the absorbency or the washing situation. Yet. One thing I am now seriously considering is, if I have another baby, investing in some cloth maternity pads. Because of the comfort. Somehow I think beautifully soft flannel or bamboo up against a sore perineum is worth the expense and lessened convenience. But for the forseeable future, I’ll be cupping it.
One of the things I love most about the idea of a cup might be one of the things other people love the least. This method of dealing with menstrual flow does require a little more intimacy with yourself. Inserting and removing the device is not as quick and mindless as you might be used to. It helps to know your vagina well: which angle it slopes, how deep your cervix is. You may need to get more than one finger in there. I’m not trying to be crude for the sake of it, I do have a point, which is this: our bodies are great. We ought to know and love them. I’ve heard girls and women talking about tampons, and how they find them worrying because they have to touch themselves down there to use them. Maybe not everyone wants to do that and that’s okay. But maybe, if more people did as a matter of course, as part of their routine hygeine practices, the idea that it’s somehow dirty would just disappear. Cause it’s not. I mean, you stick your fingers in your mouth to floss your teeth, right? It’s just your body. And related to that is the fact that using a menstrual cup means you have more of an awareness of what your period is doing. I’ve had health professionals ask me for years what kind of periods I have (how heavy, what colour, is there clotting?) and to be honest I haven’t always had the answers. I do now. And you know what? My flow isn’t disgusting. I’m not likely to start making menstrual blood art anytime soon but it doesn’t make me want to shriek either. If there’s mess, that’s what soap is for.
So I’ve become a Period Proselytiser. If you could walk into a chain supermarket and buy a cup, and they were an option recognised by menstruating women everywhere, some other cool things could happen. Less of the inane sunshiny tampon ads and more open acknowledgement in our culture of what women’s bodies are actually like and what they actually do.
* I think it’s important to acknowledge that not all people who identify as women have periods, and not having a period doesn’t make someone less of a woman.
I also just tried using the lunette and I really like the comfort factor and I really like understanding more about my flow. For example I’m surprised by the consistency and colour. I mean, I’m surprised that I didn’t know this before because it was all hidden in absorbent fibres. I’ve really enjoyed that.
I also really like not having all that waste to deal with in the form of pads/tampons.
I do however find it quite difficult to use – specifically extraction. I’ve only used it one cycle though so hopefully it will get easier.
And I’m totally with you on the whole it’s just your body train of thought. I’ve been vocalising that a bit with my partner while figuring out how to use the Lunette, which I find really good – for my own benefit mostly (he couldn’t care whether I talk about it or not). It’s just a reminder to myself that it’s part of my body in the same way that brushing my teeth is and there’s no big deal.
If there’s one part that’s tricky, it’s getting the thing out. I haven’t had too much trouble but I’ve had to take my time. It probably depends on a lot of things about individual bodies – so not something that’s predictable before you try it.
Don’t worry, it gets easier! It can be scary, and difficult, but getting it out becomes habit after a few cycles, and you’ll find ways that it works best for you.
You know what’s really sad? I had my first period when I was 9 and it wasn’t until I read a book for girls with Down Syndrome, with some pretty vivid colour photos, that I actually got what was going on and realised that what I was dealing with was normal.
A year or two after that and what I was dealing with wasn’t normal – heavy periods, pain that makes you double over, but everyone told me that that’s just how it is and to take some pills, have a hot bath and wait for it to go away. A decade later and I had to argue with a doctor about being tested for PCOS she told me that she could tell that I didn’t have it. Not only do I have PCOS but at 21 I found out I’m infertile. I just turned 26 and there will never be any babies born from uterus. Ever.
I think one of the greatest disservices that we do to teenage girls is focus like crazy on contraception instead of giving them the information they need to be healthy sexually. They have a greater chance of having PCOS, endo, PID or something else that will make them infertile than they have of getting most STD’s out there. They should be taught about different options for contraception as well as for menstruation. They need to learn what’s normal and what isn’t, and how to advocate for themselves when doctors are dismissive.
I’ve used cloth pads, they’re much more comfortable than the plastic alternative, but neither cloth pads or cups can deal with my periods. Hell, I only ever bother with the over night variety of plastic pads. This week I’m starting the pill with the intent to stop my periods with the blessing of my GP. I should have done it years ago but it’s hard to give up the dreams of miracle babies.
And I’m totally with you about the ads. The other thing that drives me crazy is the cute (and often wrong) facts on the back of some brands. Have you noticed how many are baby or pregnancy based? It’s a really nice stab in the heart when your last treatment cycle has failed.
I wish we could treat menstrual products the way we do pens, dishwashing tablets and socks. Maybe we could actually find out what’s going in to them and then into our bodies. We could have an open discussion about the pros and cons of different brands if we knew the shit they put in them. And I would love it if cups and cloth pads were available at the supermarket. But I think there’s too much ‘scary vagina’ bullshit for that to ever happen.
This is a great comment, thank you. You’ve hit on another thing that’s annoying about those ads: for some women, periods are not about swimming and horseriding and they never will be. And for some women, ‘normal’ reproductive processes don’t work so well – actually for a pretty big percentage of women. And as you’ve said here, that can be a very painful reality. I’m sorry you’ve been through so much, gynaecologically and emotionally speaking. I had a similarly delayed diagnoses of PCOS (although I am lucky, mine is not so severe) because of the skepticism of doctors. I even had a sonographer tell me that I was ‘too young’ for her to find anything on ultrasound once. I was like, um, would you just look first and judge later!
What you say about teaching young girls is so true. I don’t think many young girls and women learn about their menstrual cycles beyond the very basics. A much more nuanced understanding of their fertility and health could be acheived if they all learned how to track what was going on ‘down there’. But I think that might be a rant for another post!
I’m another recent cup convert – got my Diva cup a couple of months ago. It’s fabulous! I have a fairly light, but rather drawn out and somewhat unpredictable cycle and I was going through an awful lot of pads and liners “just in case.”
I have an 11 year old daughter and when my package with the cup and a few cloth pads arrived we unpacked it together and had a great conversation about periods and getting to know your body and what to expect and all the options for dealing with your period. We had, of course, talked about it all before but never in such detail and so completely without discomfort (on her part – I’m pretty uninhibited
)
It will be interesting to see what she chooses to use when the time comes and I’d love to be the fly on the wall at a conversation between her group of friends about periods. I must remember to find out whether re-usable options are discussed during the Personal Development lessons they do at school – I know they do cover menstruation.
That’s great. I hope that my daughter will grow up to be comfortable with those kinds of conversations too. I’m kind of looking forward to sharing all of that with her when she’s older.
Yes yes yes. I’ve had a Keeper for nearly two years and went from dreading my periods to appreciating menstruation in this really cool new way. (This little conversion began when I discovered cloth pads during my if-I-have-to-wear-sticky-disposable-pads-for-weeks-after-birth-I-will-DIE freak-out during my pregnancy, incidentally.) I always had extreme cramping and a bad case of the gross-outs with tampons and am both physically and conceptually more comfortable with my cup. Plus, I haven’t needed to buy menstrual products for two years! How great is that? (Must write a post about this stuff on my own blog sometime soon …)
That is great indeed!
If you could walk into a chain supermarket and buy a cup, and they were an option recognised by menstruating women everywhere, some other cool things could happen.
I don’t know about there in Australia, but here in the UK, Boots (massive popular and well-known group of chain stores on the high street, selling toiletries and stuff with a pharmacy attached) sells the Mooncup right there with the rest of their menstrual products. I wish more women in the UK knew that, or would notice them there, because the Mooncup is made of awesome.
I haven’t had a period in nearly three years (I have an Implanon contraceptive implant) but when I did, I loved my cup. I didn’t have much time to get used to it before I had the implant fitted, but as my implant runs out this May I’m looking forward to bleeding again.
They’re only available online here and not very well known. Although, I did hear there was a minor advertising campaign (ads on the backs of toilet doors in shopping centres) for the Diva when it was made available here. So maybe times are changing?
I didn’t know the Mooncup was in Boots! (I’m sure in our tiny rural Boots, it isn’t…) But fortunately i have had one anyway for years. Went for it because the Keeper is latex and we have latex allergy in this household (though not me), and i hadn’t heard of the other versions such as Lunette.
I did find it difficult at first, took me probably more than six months but less than a year to fully get the hang of it, but after a couple of despairing tries (once i took an Arnica after finally getting it out!) i remembered how long i’d struggled with tampons when a beginner.
I wouldn’t go as far as looking forward to bleeding, though… ;0)
SassyCupcakes, your story is sad. I had periods just like that but they stopped – i found out with miscarriage that i had endometriosis, but i’ve been lucky and apart from disabling periods it has been mild, and more or less no trouble since pregnancies. I agree with everything you say about educating girls.
And — i knew they existed! There are various blogs, books and websites out there on this subject – i still struggle with the ‘taboo’ feel of it but i’m getting there – a search on ‘red moon’ finds loads.
Ouch!
Do you feel like having to ‘try’ like that was necessarily a bad thing? And would that experience make you less likely to recommend a cup to a young teenager? I’ve wondered about how suitable they would be… I mean, I’ve only started using one as a woman who has given birth and I suspect pregnancy does some stuff to your pelvic floor which makes it all-around easier. I do like the idea that everyone could use one, though (in an appropriate size, obviously.)
Well, i was disheartened before i remembered tampons had taken a while too. Then i set my sights on a lot of practice instead of instant success, and no longer worried. In fact i didn’t master tampons (only occasional success) until after i’d lost my virginity, so whether physically or psychologically i don’t know but it must be just me.
Plus i was using the size for women who have given birth, on the advice of someone friendly from either Mooncup or Lollipop, though i hadn’t given birth vaginally. I told her i’d had caesareans but had laboured, and labour definitely seemed to have done something to my pelvic floor, corkscrewed it i’d say(!) – tampons went in at a different angle after my eldest was born. She agreed with me that the larger post-birth size was probably better, and certainly nowadays (several years later) i have more problem with the thing wanting to come out before i want it to… Haven’t lost it yet. ;0)
From either pure curiosity of the killed-the-cat (ie gratuitous) variety or because of some perverse taboo-breaking urge, i do like being in touch and having sight of what i produce, and as others have said here, i’ve learnt from it. We still seem to need an excuse for comparing notes on periods, at least after our teens when we’re all new to them, we never discuss the details just because the subject crops up (in my circle anyway), so it’s only obliquely that we find out how varied menstruation and its products are both between women and through the life of one woman. Without being useful it’s interesting for its own sake. Or is that me being whatever the opposite of squeamish is? lol
I have tried to use my cup. Really, I’ve tried several times, several cycles, several insertion “techniques”, after baby #1, after baby #2, and it is so decidedly NOT comfortable for me. I don’t know if I can face trying it again, but I would so love it to work for me.
On another note, I found it fascinating when I first moved to Argentina that the standard tampon here is the one without the applicator, so using your fingers and *touching* yourself (gasp) is an obvious part of it all. A few friends I’ve talked to about it are even a bit put off by the idea of inserting applicators, and not because they’re all one with their bodies or anything. It’s just what they’re used to.
Applicator tampons aren’t popular here at all. I do remember some conversations at boarding school about why some preferred to use them (the not-touching thing) but mostly we didn’t bother with them. More waste anyway. Even so, using a tampon requires less time and less… intimacy. At least, after the first few times.
Perhaps a different size make? Though i appreciate it could mean buying one after another until one worked with no guarantees any would.
Quick comment haven’t had a chance to read the rest but menstrual cups are safe to use with post partum bleeds.
Thanks, I didn’t realise. I don’t think I’d choose to though, at least not for the first week or two. Swelling might make it pretty unappealing!
I come from a background where we never discussed periods at all. It was barely touched on at school except for an assembly once where they piled all the year 7 girls into a room and threw us free samples of libra products. I didn’t know til reading you lastest couple of posts that there are reusable alternatives available. It’s something I look forward to reaearching mote about. And importantly, if I’m ever blessed with a girl of my own, I intend to be far more open than my mother and her mother about how wonderful it is to be a woman!
Glad at least one of my readers has learnt something new
Well, you’ve convinced me. I just purchased a DivaCup. We’ll see how it goes!
Woo! Hope you enjoy it.
So, just thought I’d give you an update on how my first “diva-cup” period went as you seem genuinely interested in the various experiences with it. And I truly love it. I was nervous at first when I saw how kind of big it is, but I had no problem putting it in the first time (or thereafter), absolutely no problem taking it out, and no leaking at all. And I was fascinated by what was collected, science-project-like. I can’t believe I waited so long to get one. The only two issues are: 1. fingernails definitely need to be cut shorter – there were times I felt like I was mangling myself trying to get that thing out. And my nails are not long to begin with; 2. I can’t see how this can be done in a public bathroom. I timed everything out so that I wouldn’t have to empty and replace the cup while at work. I find the “squatting” position works best for me, and no I will not ever squat in a public bathroom, thankyouverymuch. But other than those two things, which are easy to remedy, I really love the cup. So much easier than tampons, and seemingly cleaner and healthier. Thanks for this blog post which finally convinced me to get a menstrual cup.
Yay, I am interested! So happy to hear that it all went well.
I’m with you on the fingernails thing – mine are short but they do need to be very short and, well, blunt. And I guess it depends on the kind of toilets you have access to away from home – tiny grotty cubicles would make it pretty hard, I agree. Personally I think even just the time it takes to do it all properly and then wash the cup properly might make it difficult in a public toilet or at work – but I guess people just get used to it.
I used to think the very idea of a menstrual cup was disgusting, but after being reassured by the experiences of some friends and getting interested in the less-waste aspect, I switched after my first son was born. Never looked back! While there’s definitely a learning curve, it was nothing compared to the frustrations of figuring out tampons and pads as a teenager.
After my third child was born I was determined to have enough reusable pads for the post-partum bleeding (my understanding is that it’s not a good idea to use insertable menstrual products for at least the first couple of weeks, and the info on the Diva cup site also advises against PP use). Immediately after birth I used an infant prefold, no joke. So soft! After that I switched to long cloth pads. Much, much nicer than the disposable pads I had used with the first two.
You’re absolutely right that using a cup helps to familiarize yourself with your flow. They’re also very comfortable for many women – I’ve converted several friends.
)
Infant pre-fold – that’s genius!
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I do love my keeper cup. It’s my second one and I’ve been using it for about 10 years. I actually found the post-birth size fit better, despite having never given birth. So size can help determine comfort. I use the Diva Cup wash, which seems to work really well.
I think that one of the reasons I like it so much, has to do with the fact that I have no associations from my negative early experiences.
I also have a Lunette that I just got two months ago and have been using without a hitch. The circumpherence isnt even as big around as the average penis so women shouldn’t fear it. The Lunette is so soft too that it doesn’t pop so much as “fill up” effortlessly and is super soft.
The best part is, I don’t get messy and don’t stink like what happens with absorptive disposables. I have even FORGOTTEN I was on my period at all. AND, no more garbage and wasted money.
I sewed up some reusable pads as back up when I was first learning to use the Lunette but I never needed them. Had them for two months too and not a spot or leak. No more wearing black panties to save my “nice ones” from being ruined.
Its truly liberating.
I loved reading your post! Ever since I started using cups I just can’t believe I ever used pads. My big realization is that I don’t smell!! Pads make you stink! Everyone I talk to believes that you just smell like that when you’re on your period but it’s not, it’s the bacteria that builds up from the plastic/wood/whatever disposables are made of. It’s sad because I used to be embarrassed on my period and now it’s like OMG it doesn’t smell! Well, that’s my two cents.
I got a menstrual cup some time ago and i have mixed feelings about it. I used pads while i was a teenager because my mum had this weird idea that tampons were evil and pads were all that was around. Then i started using tampons, which i found much comfier and generally fine, except they smelt kinda weird when they came out, not of blood but something unnatural. one thing that bugged me about them was not being able to keep them in for ages (i bleed very lightly, and don’t need to change them cause they’re going to leak), and that they say you should use the lowest absorbancy for you to help avoid TSS, and i always felt that even the lowest absorbancy was often too much still.
I got a mooncup, and the first time i excitedly used it, it was hell. i gave up near the end of my period feeling rather bruised having fought to put it in and out.
Since then i’ve got better at it, but it doens’t feel quite comfortable. It seems to press on my urethra and make me want to pee more, and when i do pee it feels like i’m not getting all of it out. This seems to be confirmed as when i do take out the cup i do tend to piss a bit more afterwards before emptying and reinserting it. Other than being a bit irritating, do you think this could be bad in other ways?
The thing is as i bleed so lightly, and am young with ok muscles, it seems that a smaller one would work better for me, making insertion/removal easier and reducing pressure as i don’t need the volume. This is the main thing that gets me: do two sizes really suit everyone? i haven’t seen anyone doing a greater range else i’d definately try them out
The other thing is the tag bit that hangs down sometimes seems to get into the wrong position in my vaginal entrance and is completely uncomfortable. Maybe i’ll get better at postioning, but i can’t work out what exactly goes wrong.
I think they’re good for a number of reasons, but i do think some aspects of the product could be varied more, and i can totally see they wouldn’t be right for everyone
Sounds to me like you really do need a different size/shape/material. Especially since it’s affecting urination – that sounds like a risk factor for UTIs in my non- medical opinion. I know each brand is slightly different – you might have to trawl through review threads and/ or contact companies for specific advice. The single-use cups available in the US might suit you, or other alternatives like organic tampons, sea sponges, or cloth pads might be worth considering too.
I guess like all things, they’re not going to suit everyone. Thanks for offering a different perpective on the experience.
I’ve used a cup for the last decade – its brilliant, neater than tampons (and none to fall out of your bag), and does get you back in touch with your body and its processes, which in my mind is a good thing
Thanks for writing about this – I’m glad you’ve had such a positive experience – I found out about these products through two friends similarly being outspoken and no-nonsense enough to write about it on journals. I would love for more and more women to take up using these products if they work for them!
but… macondo mama! you make me feel so much better!
I got past the squick and -this-is-unfamiliar-to-use factor… because I hate that pads and tampons are waste… (have no problem using tampons, have been using since period first started because i was/am a dancer and pads don’t work for dancing)…
and I bought a Diva cup… struggled and tried about 5 times to get it in, reading and re-reading instructions… and after I managed to get it in at a reasonably comfortable angle, my vagina fucking well cramped up until it had almost spat the cup out. (at that stage I went back to the bathroom and heeded what my body was saying, i.e. ‘gtfo cup’)
No thanks.
Expensive, useless cup now sits in my drawer. I’m really sad that my experience of using the cup was like this. Sure I had hiccups with tampons, but absolutely nothing like this. I would really, really, love to be able to use a cup. but I don’t think it’s gonna work. Tampons work for me. That’s how it is.
I :am: considering lunapanties and reuseable pads though. Soaking etc doesn’t seem much trouble and it’s unlikely.
Re public toilets (sorry, i’m British, a bathroom is where i have a bath
): I tear off 2 or 3 bits of paper before i begin so as to have somewhere to rest the Mooncup and somewhere to wipe my fingers between actions. And i empty it down the loo, then finish peeing (like someone earlier, i always do a bit more after extracting it), then reinsert straight away. It needs to be moistened but the ‘old’ blood does that, and i have found i don’t need to wet it anyway before first insertion.
I have to say i didn’t try doing it in a public loo till i was fully comfortable with the whole thing, probably several months before i was confident enough. But i have friends who are much more casual and gung-ho about dealing with it, which i tried to copy iykwim.
And i do know what the instructions say about rinsing, and i’m NOT recommending doing it my way, but… i only rinse it under the cold tap about once a day, and only bother with soap if it’s a bit dried-on or clotty. (I definitely DO boil-sterilise before putting it in its bag between months.)
Re fingernails, i suppose i just got better at being careful(!) after a bit.
And re something someone said days ago about the ‘handle’ bit at the tip – i don’t know about other makes but the Mooncup says you can cut that off, once you’re absolutely sure you can take it out without using it. Personally it is much easier grabbing the cup itself rather than trying to get my fingers round that little sticky-out thing when it’s wet, so i cut it off once i was sure.
Gosh, the number of comments here says how much women need to discuss this sort of thing.
I’ve just spent the Easter long weekend at a dark ages reenactment camp with my period and no facilities other than port-a-loos (which do have the virtue of having water on tap right there in the cubicle). I’d been dreading having my period coincide with a camp ever since we started doing them a few years back but I won’t worry in future, the Diva cup came through with flying colours. I have developed new port-a-loo contortionist skills though – that aspect was a bit of a challenge!