One of the things I’ve learned from blogging is that the interest a post generates is unpredictable. I have a pretty low traffic flow here, but there are a few search terms that keep getting me hits. (Salma Hayek’s breasts, anyone?) And there’s one post of mine – barely even a blip to begin with – that’s attracted more comments than the others. It’s this one, about a product called Pretty Pushers.
The comments I’ve let through are there for all to see. I’m sure if the commenters I deleted could spell ’humourless feminist’, that’s what they would have said. Anyway, I’m a little bemused by the fuss so I thought I’d address it head-on by responding to this comment from Mary:
I am the owner and sole creator of Pretty Pushers. I am a woman, mother, wife, and currently pregnant with our second child. I am disturbed and shocked to read some of these posts which put such a negative blemish on this company. I took my own experience in labor, along with hundreds of stories from other women to put together the ideas for our products. Just for you, CK and Spilt Milk…I of course took a dump on the delivery bed among other things…who doesn’t? That’s the whole point….our gowns are pure cotton and with few seams…hence DISPOSABLE. You throw it out when it’s full of shit, blood, and sweat. Isn’t that better than wasting gallons of hot water and harsh chemicals on cleaning it…and then being worn again by others? Along with the other frills in the box…you use them once, and then recycle the packaging. Why all the nonsense comments on the lip gloss? Don’t most women carry that around in their bag/pocket in some form on a daily basis anyway? It’s just something to do….some labors are extremely long….why not have a little gift set to open? I’m sorry to anyone that is so deeply offended by this product! I am a huge advocate for women and feminism…I had a midwife and doula for the birth of my first child and received much acclaim for the labor gown that I had made for myself! It is WAY smarter than the classic mundane hospital gown that was probably created by a MAN, as it is the same one worn by MEN. The box is shaped like a pregnant woman…what could more celebrate the pure miracle of the occasion? I am sorry this has been so mis-interpreted by some women. We are very happy with our products and have had many pleased customers. We continue to produce better, smarter, more environmentally-friendly products for women in labor who would like to have a choice beyond the typical provisions.
1) As a woman, mother and wife myself, I’ve got to applaud someone who’s found a niche in the market and started up a company. Women in business = generally a good thing. But being a woman, or even ‘advocate for women and feminism’ doesn’t automatically make all of one’s thoughts or actions feminist. I mean, seriously.
2) I also applaud any company considering the environmental impact of their product, even though I made no mention of that in my first post. Kudos for that.
3) But, I dispute that a hospital gown that has been worn by others is ‘unhygenic’ as stated on the PP website (it’s germ-phobic thinking like this that drives people to disinfect their house to the point of growing super bugs.) I also wonder whether the environmental impact of the production + packaging + shipping + disposal (bearing in mind that not all consumers recycle) of this product really is less than that of including one more hospital gown in the industrial wash. But I am prepared to stand corrected if data shows that it is.
4) I actually think the idea of having a labour gown made for a pregnant woman’s shape and to allow for comfort and movement is a great idea. I really do. When I first posted about this product I did so without thinking through the relevant cultural differences. In Australia hospitals don’t generally require a labouring woman to wear a gown. We mostly wear what we want to - usually a big old t-shirt, or nothing. I think this is vastly preferable to being expected to wear what is basically a uniform associated with illness – especially since most women get to a point in their labour where they feel that clothes are uncomfortable and tear them off – and also since baths and showers are such popular methods for pain relief in the first stage. I do know of women here who have had surgical births and wore their own colourful hospital gown. I can imagine it’s cheering, to have some say over attire, for those to whom that matters. And I’m all for choices in birth.
5) To be frank, I posted about this originally because I had an outraged reaction to the product’s website, not so much the product itself. (An empowered, feminist, birthing woman might well pack her labour bag with a comfy gown, some lip gloss for moistening dry, sore lips, a headband to keep the distraction of sweaty hair on her brow at bay, and some massage oil, candy pink packaging aside.)
But the marketing for the ‘Dressed Up Delivery’ set describes the typical look of a woman who’s just given birth as a
horrible monster
Post-birth, most women are sweaty and mucky and exhausted looking. Most (not all) are also elated. Most show raw emotion on their faces and the evidence of great physical effort. Not unlike photographs of sports people right after a coveted win. There is no place for imposing patriarchal standards of feminine decorum and beauty on women – especially not at that moment in their lives.
The marketing of PP says that women
deserve to look your best while you work your hardest
Hmmm. Again – who deserves to look how? Why have looks got anything to do with birthing? Is this all a way of saying that there is no excuse for failing to be a pretty picture to be looked at - even childbirth? Or is it another way of encouraging women to fear the visceral nature of an event where bodily fluids and loss of control are par for the course? Whatever the subtext, I happen to believe all women deserve to look HOWEVER THE FUCK THEY NATURALLY LOOK when they are having a baby. And, um, they deserve a break from having people tell them they should care about how they look in the photos. For once.
Employing marketing which supports the notion that women are there to be judged by how they look, not what they do and who they are, is not advocating for women and feminism. And it isn’t pretty.
Behold! The horrible monster!
Hear hear!
I’m reminded of my sister in law’s experience of sending her sister out* to buy a cheapy huge t-shirt for her to labour in, feeling it was essential to have something modest(ish) that she could throw away later. Then she went into labour and discovered that she’s not as prudish as she thought she was and gave birth naked. Two children later she’s never worn the shirt. I didn’t wear anything after I got to the hospital, I think the midwife wrapped some towels around me to get from the bath back to my room at the birth centre but I wouldn’t have cared if I’d been starkers because I HAD A BABY COMING and nothing else was important.
* she was on bedrest and confined to hospital, so relied on others to help her prepare
I’m prudish. I went through four or five gowns. Yay me. As I said on my comment last time, I actually think this is a nice gift set – but yes, the marketing is terrible. Why not focus on the way that these product might come in handy, the way they might make your labour a little more pleasant, rather than that they will make you “pretty”.
I kind of agree with both of you (you My Milk Spilt, and Mary of Pretty Pushers) – she clearly had and has the best intentions, and doesn’t understand the implications of buying into Thou Shalt Look Good Every Minute, which is probably the fault of where/how/when she grew up rather than her own.
It is a pity when women strive to make themselves (feel) more attractive in labour, or pregnancy; it’s a pity when they feel unattractive because of being pregnant or giving birth (or having given birth). One of the pitfalls is that these cosmetic additions will still leave a woman looking, or shying away from looking, at a wobbly big body and they do nothing to help her love that body and the reason she has that body.
I would have liked to be more comfortable physically, as innercitygarden says, in terms of lip salve and being able to move freely; and i did bother to smooth down my uncombed hair before the camera came near! Each has her own level of vanity. I feel the marketing should aim at making mothers feel cherished, made a bit special by these gift packs and by ‘dressing up’ (i don’t mean literally dressing up, i mean the feeling of preparing for a special occasion) – not making them feel like showpieces.
It’s also a dreadful pity when women who have not yet experienced pregnancy themselves are made to expect that they will feel negative about themselves, uncomfortable, hurting, all the rest of it. And this kind of thing reinforces that – yes, i think that’s my main (only?) reason for objecting to it.
Mary does come across as someone i’d probably get on great with, if we were in the same room.
I think the main problem with the product is the name “Pretty Pushers” – BLECH!!! That product name revolts me enough to not even bother looking at the website/marketing. I actually think the product itself is a great idea (personally – I got really dry lips during labour, and could’ve used the lip gloss!), but perhaps there is a bit of a cultural clash with the marketing – if you ever try to expand to Australia, Mary, I’d seriously consider changing the name!
You’re right – it’s like that horrible term ‘push present’ or ‘too posh to push’. And I did actually pack lip balm in my labour bag. Didn’t get around to using it, but were I not blessed with quite a quick labour, I may well have. I also packed massage oil. The idea behind this does make sense, for sure.
Lynn, I was happy to be starkers in the birthing suite but I’m not a nudist; you preferred to be covered by a gown, but that doesn’t necessarily make you prudish. And there are plenty of women with cultural or religious reasons for keeping covered up as much as practicable. I might be all for marketing the unabashedly naked natural birthing earth motherTM image but that doesn’t mean shaming people with different attitudes/aesthetics/experiences. But calling women horrible monsters? That is shaming.
Totally with you there, Spilt Milk!
Thank you all, ladies from Australia. I actually feel better after reading all of the above. Sorry, but it was in fact MYSELF that came up with all the marketing, slogans, etc. I hope it doesn’t make me a horrible person. The only thing not done by me was the fabulous artwork, which was done by an Australian! (Darwin) I loved working with her for her no-nonsense attitude…as you all have…and it’s great. My husband is a brit and lived on Bondi for awhile, and although I’ve never been there, I’d very much love to go…now even more so! Perhaps I’ll see some of you there…..
Mary, poor you! Bound to find strong ‘anti pink-n-frilly’ sentiments here on a feminist blog ;0) but i think a lot of it is simply differing tastes which is inevitable, whatever you’re marketing.
Personally i hope you will consider the point i made above, that it’s a real pity when women feel unattractive because of being pregnant, giving birth, or simply being mothers (‘mumsy’ is such a negative adjective in its normal use – and the connotations of that are just like the connotations of ‘gay’ used as an insult).
But i also hope we all agree that you’re doing great to have started and be running a business (woman or not!). As one of the great mass of people forever saying to themselves, ‘One day i might…’, i admire that and recognise what an achievement it is.
- mand
(British, female – but i very nearly put this comment up under my son’s name as he was logged into WordPress – made me smile!)
Mand is right, Mary. There are many differing views & tastes in the world, and the people who leave comments on this blog are probably only representative of a fairly small spectrum.
I remember an ex-colleage of mine who was pregnant, telling us about the birth education classes she was attending. She could not stop going on about the childbirth video they had watched in class; all she was focussed on was the ‘excessive’ quantity of pubic hair of the woman giving birth… and she was determined she was going to get waxed before her birth because she didn’t want to be seen like that!
I suspect that woman might have a rather different opinion of the marketing of your product than the people (like me) who have made comments here… so just remember: You can’t please all the people all the time!
I came across this blog from searching on google. Let me preface this by saying that I have never given birth, and I am from the US. I am a believer in home birth or at the very least natural birth. Here, you pretty much have to wear a hospital gown to give birth. And working in a hospital, I know what those things go through, and they seriously gross me out. We also don’t have many birthing centers where I live. There is only one birthing center anywhere near here, so hospitals are about our only option. Water births are not offered and drugs are thrown at the woman giving birth. So, I think that this product is good for people over here. Especially price wise. I have a friend who spent NINETY dollars on a gown to wear WHILE giving birth to her son. I’m not kidding. She wanted to “look pretty” She also had her hair and makeup done before she went into labor (it was a scheduled induction). Now, she is a bit extreme. But I do see where a product like this would come in handy. Especially for after the birth. Also, births here don’t get as messy… because doctors and nurses don’t let it. Women are cleaned up while giving birth most of the time. Yes, it does get messy, but nothing compared to the home births I’ve been at! And I fully agree with the marketing complaints. It could definitely be marketed better!
Niki, this is cool! Your comment is dated 6th November and i’m still listening to fireworks (Guy Fawkes) while waiting to eat! :0)
Anyway back on topic…
you pretty much have to wear a hospital gown to give birth
only one birthing center anywhere near here, so hospitals are about our only option. Water births are not offered and drugs are thrown at the woman
births here don’t get as messy… because doctors and nurses don’t let it. Women are cleaned up while giving birth most of the time
Ye gods. Dark ages.
In 1993 when i had my first baby (UK) i was too shy to ask for a water birth, felt it would make me seem too ‘extreme’. By 2000 when i had my youngest, everyone was having them.
The waxing and stuff doesn’t surprise me – we’re all aware that the US is ahead of the world for that kind of concern (and led the way with home vids of births, not my idea of helping a woman feel relaxed) – but i am horrified (a) how bad it is and (b) how the professionals ‘join in’ with that emphasis.
I knew a mother who said she’d read about natural birth and the book (‘Active Birth’ by Janet Balaskas (don’t ask me why the author is given as ‘Arthur Balaskas’ in that link!) put her off the whole idea because of, quote, ‘all that mess’. I had found the very same book encouraging, empowering, reassuring… Any part of the world, you get everything between, and up to, the two extremes.
Fashion in opinion will swing the other way, of course (in the UK it has begun to) – let’s hope it doesn’t take decades.
D’oh! I forgot which way the world spins.
My own comment’s showing 12 hours too early, too. Eh oop!
hey, you dont know me yet, i know, but if i may leave a comment…. this gown idea sounds like something a man or a childless woman might come up with… i know she specified she had given birth before but still. if you have gone though labour you know that the last thing on your mind is how you look like…. you might think of a way to kill the midwife who holds your hands away from the place of your body where a head is crowning, or you might think of how you could gather enough oxygen to tell your husband to stop puffing , its not huffing time anymore hun, its PUSHING time, but the way you look? i dont remember what i was wearing after the birth, so during? wow…
I definitely don’t think a woman should feel she has to look a certain way for the benefit of her attendants and visitors, but I love the idea of a personal gown. There are now several companies that make them.
I am in the US, by the way, and was told in a no-nonsense way to put on the hospital gown when I came to the hospital in labor for my first birth. It was scary, and that ugly green gown that was three sizes too large was just one more way the hospital showed me they cared nothing for me as an individual. It was all policies, procedures and numbers. My own gown would have made me feel so much better, and not just because I would’ve looked better but because, you know, I prefer not to go around with my butt hanging out. Putting on clothing that fits and is comfortable in a color I love makes a huge difference in how I feel no matter what I’m doing.
I won a really nice (and, I must admit, pretty!) hospital gown before my second birth, but I decided to have a homebirth. I ended up in my whirlpool tub wearing nothing but a tank top, and I wanted that off too but by the time I thought to take it off I was in transition and was afraid I’d get my arms caught in the shelf bra during an intense contraction. I did wear my special gown after the birth, though, and I am saving it for future births.
I also have a friend who was hospitalized for nearly a month for something unrelated to childbirth and had two special (dearjohnnies) gowns. They made her feel so much better. The gowns the hospital gives out are just so uncomfortable and depressing!
I have been waiting to buy one of these for a while. I never took the advertising as pushing me to buy this because otherwise I would look ugly… when I came across this product I had searched for maternity gown. I personally don’t like wearing the hospital ones. After two children, I wanted something different.– that would make me feel good–even pretty–during the experience. It is not for anyone else, but me to feel comfy and a little womanly. We all have that certain outfit that we wear, just to feel good- not because others tell us it does, but because when we look in the mirror we say “damn I look good”. If you take a look at maternity clothes at chain stores they are for the most part “old ladyish”, not attractive and make you look incredibly fat. I think that these gowns are helping to change the way we look at maternity– not a “mom pants” type of get-up, rather something that’s hip, comfortable, functional, and yeah, makes you feel a slight bit attractive…I’m buying one tonight, and have already shared the website with plenty of friends
I find this whole blog ridiculous… so much time spent on something that is great if you are into feeling a bit nicer about yourself during the long intense hours of labour.
Sure it may not be suitable for the moments you are in transition when you want everything off, or it may be if you like having something on, but I love the idea of having something that I might feel a little sexier in whilst squatting through the contractions, or leaning against my husband as he rubs my back, that i can walk down the hall of the birthing suites in between contractions and feel good about myself.
Stop thinking that this product is about what other people think and maybe realise that Mary designed it for women to be empowered to look and feel fabulous during a momentous occassion in life.
I don’t know Mary but she should be congratulated (even if the marketing needs a little tweaking to be a little less materish and a little more empowering in its terminology), for bringing something to us that can be thrown away even after all the mess, but that just maybe allowed all of us to feel the remarkable, beautiful, sexy women that we are…and yes that includes whilst going through labour and birth.
Be naked, be dressed, or be in a pretty pusher… whatever! Just be in what makes you happy and comfortable and keep negative opinions about another people’s choice to yourself! Celebrate women, their choices and their own defiance in being beautiful inside and out.